My 19th birthday is fast approaching and I'm getting more and more depressed by the day. School is also coming at me like a bat outta hell and I am all too aware of what to expect when it gets here. I want so much to learn but I don't want to have to go to school to do it. All the smiling happy people make me feel even more apart from everyone else and unable to relate. It scares me to know that if one thing goes wrong I'm out. I have to do everything right the first time to continue being who I am, to be able to hold my head high.
I'm so depressed...I've been looking at these websites this evening that are so amazing. Their layout is so unique to any I have ever seen and I'm jealous. I don't deal well with jealousy. I get so frustrated when things don't work that I feel like punching my fist through the computer screen. Things I could never even think of come out in others' sites and I think, why didn't I think of that first. One site, which after today is no longer my favorite, had this incredible layout and great visual effects and it took me quite some time before I figured out how to do the same things. This new site, I'd rather not provide a link, is so advanced. The author doesn't seem to speak very good English though so it's a little frustrating to read but the graphics are incredible as is the entire site.
On to other things...I want to go to bed so badly but in anticipation of tomorrow's events, I've become unable to cope. I'm no longer alone in my house and this is even harder for me than being alone. I feel I must put on a show of contentment. This is far from the truth.
